Paley 13th: Thirteen Going on 17

Yes, I have the Sound of Music running in my head while I am writing about 13, although the real number was 16. This house officially has a teen in it, but let's face it, this young lady has been hovering over the teens for several years now. Since the first day she arrived in our lives on April morning, she became the centers of both our worlds, and the birth of HK3. She still reminisces about HK3 and has her days when HK3 would be a nice reality again. I will admit in the first 6 years of the twin addition, we were pretty good about giving her one and one time or even HK3 days. Sadly with the pandemic that has proven to be a challenge.

Paley’s 12th was spent heavily locked up due to the pandemic. The only real celebration she had, was completely virtual. She had a zoom session with friends and family, hoping on screen, from all over the world, Mexico, Paris and beyond the border of California. Then we organized a virtual escape room which was kind of a repeat from her 11th Birthday. We were trying our best to make it extra special. This year’s repeat was the amazing and awesome Sign Gypsies display thanks to Judy. I think these signs were a huge hit for many kids over the past year. Her 12th birthday marked our first meal from outside of the house. We opted to go rogue from quarantine standards and order RAMEN to go.

While many are eating out in restaurants, some even inside of restaurants. We aren’t there yet! We are still doing take out and this birthday is pretty much all take out, except for Paley’s request for cheese stuffed burgers and baked potatoes. Breakfast was courtesy of the strip mall donut shop and a return of birthday ramen. We were going to do sushi, AGAIN! Sadly, we hit a sushi limit with Sushi twice in 7 days, three times was just too much.

We have seen the “independence shift” for sometime now. Last year I commented about how important it was to us, that we give Paley more control of things like, her calendar, decision making and even dealing with her own drama. We are always advocating for her to share and open up about what she is experiencing and come to use about once she ready to share. Today, the shift is more around personal space, personal well being and self awareness. With quarantine, independence became more common around getting outside of the house. Whether it was solo bike rides, grabbing a book to read along in the yard or just on a walk. Time alone, certainly is precious with two younger siblings and for all human beings. We need that “ME” time to recharge or regroup. I have my “ME” when I am out walking, hiking or swimming and even when I am working on the front porch.  

As we embark on remodeling our house later this year, personal taste and guidance in designing her room has been a common topic. Think lots of color and bold. I expect nothing less from Paley. Her own personal style has evolved over the years. I once found great joy in buying all her clothes and watching her play with them. Trust me giving up the whole “I am laying out what you are going to wear”, was a struggle for me to let go 5 years ago. Margot has certainly reaped the back end rewards of that one. About two years ago I started sitting down with Paley to let her pick out her clothes while shopping online, I am not a huge mall shopper, online is the best I got. I still surprise her with clothes but borrowing from the direction she’s gone in the past. 

With the new chapter of 13, comes more relaxed rules in our household. As parents we used to say “when you are 13 or 14” A LOT! Now all those things we asked her to wait, are coming to bite us in the ass. Thankfully her interest in WINX fairies has died out, and she see’s what we saw when she 4. Female fairies drawn to be sex object in a kids show. I am pretty excited for the teen years. It’s a time of self expression and exploration. At 13 she’s chosen to continue with her Girl Scout troop. We talked long about the benefits of staying on with the troop. She still likes the bonds she has made with all her fellow scouts, who are more close friends after 8 years together. I am the first to admit, I gave up on boy scouts because I was not keen on the “boys” projects we were expected to participate in. Thankfully we as parents have grown with society and want to give these young ladies a structure that not only interests them but allows them to grow as citizens. I wish I did more volunteering at the age of 13. 

Friendships are also important to Paley. In this world of quarantine, friendships were put on hold and next year with school heading to a full reopen, she will get to see them blossom again. Paley started back on campus, for two days week, a few weeks back. Sadly she drew the short end of the stick. Almost none of her friends assigned to A group. And with small cohorts and timed traffic on campus, she hasn’t seen any familiar eyes behind masking in passing on the campus. In true Paley fashion, she’s making the best of it and making new friends in the process. I see the blessing, she and all her fellow middle schoolers were given with quarantine and avoiding the typical middle school drama for a whole year. That said, there are drawbacks to this perk. Thankfully with age comes maturity. 

Paley is certainly ready for the next year as a 13 year old, and she’s ready for 8th grade. For now, she’s counting down the days she will get head off to away camp for the summer. Even as I type this now, I am realizing, I am not ready for all the packing and “STUFF” the kids need for camp. At least I have the swimsuits and water shoes/sandals taken care of. That one check off the list. Overall 13 is a new mature chapter in our young ladies saga. I wish her love of books and writing blossoms more in this new chapter. More importantly, the new adventure with scouts will give her more direction for what comes up pretty quick, high school and getting ready for college. One thing I am grateful for, Paley has a good head on her shoulders and open to the world and is pretty great at listening and sharing. Of coarse I know that get’s better with age.